3.4 Thought Patterns That Can Hinder Change

Sometimes a person’s circumstances and readiness allow for change to be possible, but certain thinking patterns or emotions can get in the way or stall change. Let’s review a few.

All-or-Nothing Thinking

All-or-nothing thinking can lead a person to feel stuck in a rut or feel tempted to give up completely. This type of thinking is closely linked with perfectionism, and perfectionism can get in the way of realizing that health and wellbeing are parts of a journey comprised of millions of decisions and choices. For example, a person with a goal around nutritious eating starts feeling down about a food choice they had made. They start to think, “the whole day is ruined,” and pretty soon, “the whole weekend is ruined.” Instead, what if they accept the food choice, recognize the food choice as part of their overall journey, forgive themself, and move on. Recognizing each health-related choice as only one part of a long series of choices can lead to more forgiving self-talk.

Guilt and Self-Blame

At times, guilt can be an effective motivator for positive change, but overall, guilt and self-blame are de-motivating. When we experience a setback, we can fall into feeling guilty or blaming ourselves. We can exaggerate guilt and self-blame with statements like “I’m always screwing up” and “I’ll never be able to stick to anything.” This level of guilt can make getting back on track more challenging. Be aware of words like always and never. Ask yourself: Does guilt and self-blame help me achieve my goals? See if you can simply recognize the initial feeling of guilt and then let it go and move on, as opposed to internalizing it. Feeling hopeless reinforces that all-or-nothing thinking.

Replaying and Reviewing

Sometimes we replay in our minds decisions we’ve already made or actions we’ve already taken. When things go wrong, get derailed, or otherwise don’t go as planned, it can be helpful to consider and identify what might have been the cause or contributing factors in order to use the event as a learning opportunity. However, replaying past events or choices with a negative or self-critical lens leads to regret or self-blame. Instead of brooding—the act of comparing actual performance with desired performance—try reflecting on what could be done differently next time; problem solving is far more effective for getting back on track.

Optional Learning Activity: Practice Reframing To Prevent Relapse

If you begin to notice negative self-talk, stop and ask yourself, “Is telling myself this helping me turn things around?” Further, be aware of self-talk statements that include words like always and never.

It’s natural and sometimes helpful to review and replay situations that didn’t go well, but as you replay lapses in your mind, ask yourself, “What were the warning signs that trouble was coming?” “When could I have interrupted the process?” Making changes in your life is an experiment. Keeping an experimental attitude means taking a step back and trying to learn something from a difficult experience. It may even help to imagine yourself observing the situation objectively from a distance. Keys to learning from our setbacks and getting back on track involve interrupting unhelpful automatic thoughts and keeping an experimental attitude. When you first notice a lapse, try to focus on what you might do next instead of what you’ve already done or not done.

While there is no right or correct way to reframe thoughts, practicing reframing can help make this strategy easier. Using the learning activity below, you can practice reframing by rewriting each of the statements to be more positive, balanced, and neutral. If you choose to complete this activity, your responses are NOT recorded or read by anyone. Click print to save or print your completed lists if you’d like to.