1.12 Familial and Caregiver Impacts on Values and Beliefs Around Sexuality

Those who play a familial or caregiver role in our lives have a significant impact on the process of how we form our values and beliefs. If you grew up in a household that believed that sex before marriage was morally wrong, you might have a different viewpoint than say the kid on the other side of town whose parents took them to buy condoms when they were sixteen. Think back to how people in your family environments reacted when a sex scene came on the TV while you were all watching. Did they ignore what was going on, get embarrassed, act like it was normal, or use it as an opportunity to talk with you about sex? What about how language was used? If a child grows up with family members who use derogatory terms to describe certain sexual orientations, gender identities, or sexual behaviors, what are the chances that the child will use that same language? Young people are partially a product of their environments. These simple things affected how you perceived the topic of sexuality in your household.

While familial and caregiver beliefs play a role in shaping your own beliefs, it also has to do with how family members handle certain situations. Did your family of origin view you as a teenager who needed to be controlled, did they let you do your own thing, did they help guide you, but still let you be your own person, or did they ignore these topics altogether? All of these approaches can shape how a young person thinks about sex, identity, and personal responsibility. If you felt like you needed to sneak out or hide what you were doing, what message being communicated to you may have made you feel like this was your only choice? It’s typical to not want to discuss the details of your sexuality with family or caregivers, but it’s another thing to feel like they would get angry, yell, or punish you if they found out you were sexually active, had a sexual or gender identity they didn’t support, or went against their own values and beliefs system.

Student Perspectives: How did your family talk about sex and sexuality?

Video Transcript

The Role Parents and Adult Caregivers Play in Sexuality Education

Whether they know it or not, parents and other adults in caregiving roles are providing sexuality education to their children. This includes anatomy, naming body parts, and the basics of consent. If an adult uses a euphemism to name a body part instead of its correct term, the child doesn’t have the vocabulary to fully communicate about their body. Take, for example, if someone inappropriately touches a child’s genitals, but the child has been taught to refer to that part of their body as their cookie. If the child tells an adult that someone touched their cookie, that person may not understand what actually occurred. Another consideration is the messages given by parents and caregivers around consent. Consider a child who is forced or encouraged to give a family member a hug or a kiss versus a child who is given the option, thus transferring the power to them to control their own body. Young children are also taking cues from adults on how they should feel about their body and the bodies of others. Both the tone of voice and word choices adults use send positive, negative, or neutral messages. Gender identity, personal safety, boundaries, healthy relationships, and respect are just a few of the topics that children are learning about from a young age, which is why it’s important to provide parents and adult caregivers with the tools to have age-appropriate conversations from birth onwards.

Communication between a child and their parent(s) or adult caregiver(s) about sexuality is key in establishing values and making healthy sexual decisions. Youth with parents who have open, but firm communication about expectations report an average older age of becoming sexually active and lower frequency of sex during their teen years (McNeely et al., 2002; Steinburg, 2001; Widman et al., 2016). Teens whose parents talk to them about sex, contraception, and STIs are more likely to use condoms than teens that didn’t discuss these issues with their parents (Santa Maria et al., 2015; Weinman et al., 2008).

Parents, family, or other trusted adults play a role as a young person’s source of education on these topics, although we recognize that those conversations don’t happen for everyone. Some adults may feel like they don’t have enough personal knowledge to provide education. Others may feel embarrassed talking about these topics and feel like it’s the responsibility of another parent, family member, school, or faith-based organization to provide the education. Finally, they might be concerned their child is too young. Survey data conducted with parents and their children showed that while these may be concerns, they aren’t barriers to actually having these conversations (Planned Parenthood, 2014). Findings actually indicate that parents are having these conversations earlier, but are less likely to continue them throughout the teenage years, while at the same time not as clearly communicating their wishes and values to their child (Planned Parenthood, 2014).